Promises Made, But I’m Not Too Good With Keeping Them

Damn spark… Once upon a time it used to take me no effort to write a new page. Then some stupid shit happened to me which sapped my ability to write and draw new pages. All the times in the past when I thought I could write a new page, it was because I THOUGHT that my spark had returned, only to fizzle just as quickly as it came.

Lately it’s different. The thought-numbing effects of medication seem to be easing their tight grip on my creativity. I no longer am working at one of my shitty jobs, and am finally able to work more hours at another (now into full time), which means I now have less financial worries on my mind. My interest in time- and money-wasting gaming is at an all-time low. And most importantly, I’ve finally graduated from San Francisco State University with a degree in Technical/Professional Writing, meaning I no longer have to worry about school. My life is taking a positive turn for the better, and I no longer feel as drained and useless as I used to.

AT THIS VERY MOMENT I feel as if I have regained my comicmaking spark, but I’m worried that it’ll evaporate like it did before. I’m trying everything I can to douse fuel onto it so my spark can turn into a raging inferno like it used to… but I also am afraid that I’ll just start feeling like it’s too much of a chore to hold onto my spark and it’ll disappear once again. I don’t know what else to do, but to wait for it to return again like I’ve been doing for the past three years.

Maybe if I keep striking the metaphorical flint again and again, AND somehow get me to not feel like it’s a chore anymore, THEN maybe I’ll be “back to normal”…. Hmm.

In any case, if I were to finally return back to comics, the first thing I would do is go back and revise some of my artwork and pages. Maybe starting certain pages from scratch and revising the story a bit. Or maybe I’ll just start work on some new titles; like, some basic short stories which summarizes some of the other comic ideas I’ve had.

We’ll see…. :(

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